Friday, January 6, 2012

A Matter Worth Defining

I like the "She Art" by Christy Tomlinson, and I saw that there is a new class she'll be starting soon.  I would love to take one of her classes, but I need to learn some more art education before I take that plunge.

For this post, the reason I mention her is this:
I have "abandonment issues," and I see many family members and friends all struggling as well.  I think tons of people have the same challenge, but we all seem to be dealing with it on our own instead of sharing our emotions and fears with each other.  I think it's almost like abandonment is the foundation of our lives.  I can feel the rumbling even now, just the very idea of leaving THIS me and creating a new one who makes better choices.

So I've come to think of "abandonment" as a big bad scary creature living in between the cracks of life and doing its best to make the cracks deeper and more painful at all opportunities.  Like this:
As I looked at the NAME of the new class, I realized something.  It's called
"The Art of Wild Abandonment" and I first thought it was a class to express your emotions into art or facing the stuff in your past to make art now.  But then I realized something: there's more than one way to define that scary "A" word.
"Abandon" does mean "to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert: to give up; discontinue; withdraw from" etc.  And everyone has faced these feelings at one point or another.  You, me, the fencepost, everyone.
it also means: To yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation; give (oneself) over to natural impulses, usually without self control.
and THAT's when I figured out what the class is about.  It's about letting your inner critic take a nap so you can create without fear.  It's about being a kid again; it's about leaving your problems at the door and taking a ride on the roller coaster of LIFE.  It's interesting how the same word has sort-of opposite meanings.
So I guess that's the road I'm on now.  And I’m opening my heart and soul so that when I get to where I’m going, I’ll be able to fully immerse myself in what I have to learn. 
Random back-story:  Another one of my favorite words is "temper."  I first became aware of it when my brother was living above a couple who were tattoo artists and they had named their son "Temper" and I loved it for a name.  It has several meanings that are opposite as well:
  • to soften (as hardened steel or cast iron) by reheating at a lower temperature
  • to harden (as steel) by reheating and cooling in oil 
  • to anneal or toughen (glass) by a process of gradually heating and cooling
  • to make stronger and more resilient through hardship : toughen <troops tempered in battle> 
Amazing how the same word can mean "soften" and "harden."

I bought a pad of art paper at Wal-mart last week.  It has a smooth surface on one side and rough on the other.  Crayons and colored pencils use rough surfaces, while paint and markers do better on smooth.  This only matters to "Artists" and I've always just used whatever was around me.  So this was a step-up!  I was very happy with my "grown-up art supplies", and I wrote on the cover "Duel-Sided Paper" with my favorite marker.  Jason saw it and laughed and told me that there was a huge difference between "duel" as in a fight and "dual" as in having 2 of something.  Apparently my paper is the "to-the-death" kind!
I'm beginning to see a pattern here.......   I'm sensing something coming, and it apparently has multiple, maybe even opposite meanings.
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