When you don’t allow yourself to fall apart, something slowly happens. Your heart becomes sensitized to your inadequacies and the fear of people not liking you.
You stop taking risks. Your world becomes smaller and dreams become a distant memory.
Feeling the pressure to be "a good girl" is something I've felt my entire life. As a child of divorce in the early 80s, one of a generation of "latch-key kids," I grew up torn between being perfect for mom, being perfect for dad, being perfect at school, and failing miserably at all of it. I didn't realize then that my parents problems, the cause of their divorce and the ensuing acrimony, was about them and their relationship, and had nothing to do with me. Only as an adult, and being a parent has given me further insight, can I see how much of my childhood I wasted trying to be what no one BUT me expected: the perfect daughter, girl, student, sister, friend.
I so wish I could go back in time and hug that little girl, and let her know that she's free to play, to get messy, to laugh too loud with friends and to make mistakes. God's Perfect Sacrifice had already been made, I didn't need to fulfill that role within my family.
I'm very much enjoying your 31-day series, and I'll be looking for Ms. Freeman's book. Thank you for this outlet as well, I'm surprised at these emotions--I didn't realize that I still felt this way.